Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Wishing for self-nonexistence... Is it a bad thing?

In all honesty, I don't think so. At this moment,
when no one is looking or knowing, I wish I could
fade away into thin air. Doesn't mean I'm killing myself, no.
Just erasing my existence like these folks in this photo.

If the world had an erase button I would have erased myself from
this very existence. Now here comes the question why.
Because I'm sick and tired of it. Sick and tired of screwing things
up and people take the fall instead of me. Sick and tired of having
to listen to one sided arguments when I'm trying to sleep and they're about me.
Sick and tired of having to live a life I wanted but am criticized for living it.
And that just fills half of my problems.

I pray that this will just wash away one day but for the past years
it just became a landfill that never stops growing. And it follows me,
wherever I go. The burden seems to weigh heavier than a tonne.
And I can't ask for it to be dropped like that, because if I do it will be
passed on to someone else, to someone I know and hold closely to.

So tell me, should there be a reason why I should exist if at this
current moment my very wish is to not to exist?

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