I don't matter

I am beset by the ironies of my life. This were the words of
a Captain Nathan Algren in the movie The Last Samurai
and here I use those words now. I am beset by the ironies
 of my life. Here I am, an idiot, in University studying subjects
 that train me to think in a specific way, or the closest way the
system that can pull me towards to. Once the time comes for me to die,
 do you think what I know matters?

Being able to do something good for the world with
 what you know before you die. That is a "good" reason to justify
 why a person should study. Personally I don't think it matters at all.
We are just trying to screw ourselves over more, or trying to repair
the damage that we our ancestors have caused and left for us to notice
and take charge of those mistakes.

We can do something good no matter where we are, the question is
who notices the work that we have put in. We are all just idiots playing
God in our own lives and affecting the lives of others. We seek knowledge
 when we should be seeking truth. We fall into traps of society that
knowledge equates to truth every single time. We ignore the truth
and seek knowledge that amuses us but in no way enlightens you
to the realities of our situation.


 Studying. Working.

It's a system that we idiots thought of and it's the best way for
the people that sit on top to control us. No matter where we are
we are in a ladder that we are always stepped on. Forget corporate
ladders and the need for the laws of natural selection. Is it not in our
 human nature for us to retaliate? This is probably me retaliating,
but I think there is a need to retaliate. Galileo stood true to his discovery
even when the dominant church at the time suppressed his ideas and
tried it's best from spreading beyond the walls of his home.

What if we are going through the same thing as Galileo? That we are
 being controlled by higher forces of the same species? Quite a bit of
our education are based on theories, and in the free dictionary theories
are assumptions, speculations, a belief that guides and we ignorantly
forget the fact that we are basing our knowledge on said theories.
Not to say that there are no laws that have stood strong, there are,
just that they are severely outnumbered compared to theories.

 I salute those who have managed to go through this system and
use the same tools to do good but suffer for their decision to do so.
 I too wish to do the same but in time my mind may change
so as will the minds of those who go through the same process.

In time I hope this will serve a reminder to me of my purpose of
studying. To go through the system and use it to do good and in my
lifetime be able to shed some truth as well.

Before I sign off, let me end with a verse from the bible that I recently read.
.
Ephesians 4:25 Therefore, Having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.

What it means, to be Christ-like.

What it means, to be Christ-like.

This is a statement or question that always seem

to be mentioned a lot in churches and is specifically aimed at

seasoned Christians. And in all said mentions it always seems

 to be presented with different parts of the bible mentioned as

 their factual basis. Not to say that they are wrong, but what

seems to be discussed on having Christ-like character has rather

been on the actions that can be physically shown to the entire

world. The phrase "actions speak louder than words" come to mind

but it is at this time that I questioned whether the actions truly

mean something or not.

Being compelled to do things that resemble Christ is not true Christ-like

behavior, in my opinion at least. It sounds like as if if we are forced to do

something and if we had a choice, we would not do it. When Jesus gave

 himself up to save us from our sins, he did so willingly. In this I am 

referring to 1 Timothy 2 verse 6. It said "He gave himself a ransom to all" 

(King James version). The three words "He gave himself" is in 

my understanding that he himself decided to be that sacrifice and 

the reason he did so, was because he loved us so much, so 

unconditionally, that he did so willingly (John 3 :16).

Which leads to the hardest thing asked of us when we are to

have Christ-like behavior. I am speaking of unconditional love,

 and it is in my opinion the hardest characteristic to be gained 

and probably the least shown in a world like now. But with it,

I believe it is much easier to have other character traits of

Christ, like the willingness to serve.

I know, who am I to say these things? I am just a college student after

all. I may be wrong, and I am more than willing to be proven wrong.

How did I end with such a conclusion? It was when I had an argument 

with my oldest friend, which ended with me considering to give up on

 being the way I am around that person, when I realized that it wasn't very

Christ-like of me to just be cold and unreceptive because of a disagreement.

People just don't see much of the care that Christ gave when he was around

 anymore. He took the sins of people who wanted him dead, is it not proof 

enough that he held unconditional love for everyone?

With that as a result, I realize that holding on to unconditional love is 

indeed a rare sight to see. And it is hard to care for someone who doesn't 

care the way that you do.

Clean-ing, a crime?

Yes, I just attended a cleaning campaign.

It was in support of clean and fair elections in my home country.

I experienced my first campaign first hand in Wichita.

The trip was a harrowing one, I have never managed to study in a car

 before, and this is the first time that I have managed to do such

a thing.

 After two hours of pure driving and a stop at McDonalds for some

breakfast, we could see the sign that said Wichita.

 It was a pretty big gathering, but it could have been bigger.

It consisted of Chinese, a couple of Indians, I think one Malay,

and of course one Chindian.

 After all that we went to Wichita State University to

relax for a couple of hours before going out for dinner then heading

 back home. Our dear driver wanted to play badminton

so he went to play, leaving us to find entertainment on

our own. And there was no entertainment at all.

Not even a food stall. We went in search of food on a map that

we found and we saw a Pizza Hut that was in campus.

Guess what?

 Yep, it was an actual hut. Never mind that, it was

closed. Closed for years in fact. At least I found another

landmark.

 

All in all it was quite alright. We did go there for a reason, and

the reason was fulfilled.
Oh, and I found out that it was illegal for college students
to be involved in such political events. Someone is scared of
the power of students now aren't they?

Cheers,

from the guy who did tons of stuff that should never be repeated again.

Friends... really?

The word friend seems to come into my head quite often now.

Sadly, it comes often in a minor tone. I don't know what really 

became of me, or you. I probably did change, for the better or
worse I don't know but I have always been that one person that
is always there, the pillar that you can lean on whenever you stagger.
Even with the scars that I have I stood still when you are unblemished.

I suppose the scars that made me who I am scared you to go to a different pillar.
My rough edges is uncomfortable on your delicate skin. We grew up knowing
we existed, and over the years I silently cared, didn't want  to ponder or ask too much,
 which I still don't. I don't want to admit that I like you because I know you like the
 attention from other guys.

Ahh what am I saying.. It's pointless.  That corner that you always took no
one wants that spot so it will keep collecting dust until I crumble and turn to dust.

That one-of-a-kind fish

 I went out out to the ocean one day and I saw

that one-of-a-kind fish. The same fish that has been
toying with me in my small boat this whole time.
It has been around for a long time, swimming around
 me even when I was a young boy. She looks so happy,
 I don't wanna spoil it by catching her and keeping her
for my amusement. She was always around with tonnes
of other fish. She was almost always in the limelight.
At times it became very difficult to see her swim
 though. I was always there, just looking. Seeing her
happy made me feel good to be alive.
 
Everyday I would go back with only one prayer, which
is for whatever His will is for this world  to be done, and for me
to serve my purpose His master plan. but I do have another thing
that I pray for regularly. I prayed for her.she was the only thing
 that I prayed out of my own desire. I prayed for her happiness, to be
able to swim in that big vast ocean in freedom, to live a good life.

I may have gone away to look at other fish but it was only at points
of time that no matter how hard I try to find her she was nowhere to
be found. I was on the brink of going back home but then out of nowhere
she will appear again. And it happens so often that I sometimes feel
on the verge of just quitting everything and going fishing else where.

 The silent things that encompass my life got a voice.

It's the in between that mattered as well.

Ever wondered how everyone seems to tell you good luck in your new phase??? Well, they mean well but what they should tell you as well is good luck in transitioning between the phases of your life. They never  seem to think that the few weeks or months between them seem to be of significant importance but in actual fact it is rather quite the opposite. It is a test of how strong you are, of being able to handle the fact that the people that you meet around you from now on will be unfamiliar faces that you will have to make familiar yourself, meet people that you will not be comfortable with and meet people of different shapes and sizes, of colors and tongues, and to me most important of all, people who have worn a set of eyes and a brain that is alien to you. In some cases their very mentality will make you so uncomfortable by just being there that you want to go home because of the social insecurity that lingers around you. That of course did not happen to me. But it did remind me of one thing when I finally landed in Kansas for my Spring orientation program : everywhere it is the same no matter where we come from. They come from a native land to them like I did but yet we failed see that similarity in all the differences that we see in each other, which obviously made it slightly difficult to make friends. 

It also dawns on me that we all should be contented with what we have in life. The people who wrote the saying "the grass is always greener on the other side" are short sighted. The phrase should come with a continuation which says "but the dirt that the grass is growing on is bloody". There is always a bad side to the good that we see. And that is what I learned by just living in the US for 1 WEEK. So yeah, that was a huge reminder for me and it could be for all of you as well. Be. Contented. With. What. You. Have.

Peace out.

Falling in love... really?

Do you really call it falling in love? Or is it just plain 

puppy love? Ever had a feeling that literally made you 

forget what you wanted to say because you're talking to

the person that will most probably be with you for the

rest of your life? That when you look at that person you 

feel happy to be alive. That just thinking about that person

gives you the strength to pull through troubles. The feeling 

that after spending some time with him/her you feel like 

jumping into the sky and just float there in happiness?

Yep. I just realized how much it can affect a person.

Thanks to you I have been able to let go of some

things that I thought I would never lose. Now I know

how much the feeling love can affect a person. But,

I would always have those shackles of reality that keep me 

grounded because people like me with my flaws would 

never get the person of their dreams. Sad but it is the harsh

realities of life. Even so, I am happy enough to know that I
existed in your life.

Life isn't really that hard, it's just whether you want it to be
hard or not.